You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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