well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
