we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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