my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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