1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In the future we'll all be gay
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
