This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
