I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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