I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He felt like a one man threesome
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
