We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
