i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
