she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
