After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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