Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize