can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
