so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
