it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
