After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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