if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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