I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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