if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
