your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
