All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
