i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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