Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
