Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
