i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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