So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
