so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
