my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
