I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
