Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
