Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sober January is a disaster.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
