I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
