I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
