When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
