while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
