easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
