I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
