He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
