bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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