Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
