you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
