If i come over, it means nothing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
