sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
