Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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