ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
