she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
