the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
