Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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