After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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