You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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