I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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